'Dirty' Thoughts

That night was so breezy and cold. The wind blew through the branches, passing through the window and brushed my cheek as if it was going to rain that night. *Update: it rained, at 3 a.m.

It was a peaceful friday night. My roommates, some are getting ready to sleep and some are still studying from the table while I was still writing down answers for that one question from a set of past year questions.

Heize's You, Rain and Cloud came on shuffle and I put down my pen as the song was totally fitting in with the weather. I put down my head on the table and listened to the song while thinking of the final episodes of my favourite drama of the year, 7 Days Queen.

As usual, I had a month break from kdramas to focus on my final. If you didn't know yet, I usually put my 98% feels in the drama I was watching. If it had a happy scene, I would smile till the next day, if it had a sad scene, I would cry till the next day (usually longer). If it had a stressful scene, I would have a meal more than than usual. And this is the reason why I have to take a break.

Ok, back to the topic. It was my weekend night and an idea came into my mind while I was working on the case study. "Maybe I should try cheating this time - it's only 2 hours for 2 episodes. Meanwhile watching at midnight will do no harm. or else I would have just sleep", the devil inside me speaking.

And that's when the song came on shuffle. I was so determined to follow what my heart was saying. Suddenly, my memories playback what happened few weeks before. I bid farewell to my parents. I hugged them and said "sorry" to their ears. While walking up on the escalator, I cried again. While waiting for boarding, I texted them saying "sorry for dissapointing" again while crying. While on board, I cried more.

Tears started to flow down through my chubby cheeks. Ahh..I promised myself not to say sorry to them anymore for failing. I promised myself to not cry in front of them anymore. I promised myself to study harder.

That's when I lift up my face, wiped up the tears away, delete the thoughts of watching from my mind and get my ass glued to the study chair and focus on studying!


*update: this post supposed to be published more than 2 weeks ago but I got caught up with studying and mingle-ing with friends so.......yeppp*